
Class I^ili:/_ 
Book^il£if 



COPYRIGHT DEPOSm 



CHINATOWN BALLADS 




"A'^/' old Wang 07i the a7ixioiis seat 

And the slant-eyed dudes in a constant stir. " 



Chinatown 
Ballads 



By 

Wallace Irwin 



Author of "At the Sign of the DoJImr, 
*' Loye Sonnets of a Hoodlum " 




Nev^ York 

Duffield A Company 

1906 






I' 



Copyright, 1906, 

BY 

DUFFIELD & COMPANY 
Published August y igo6 



To the City of Dreams that has passed again 
to the magic box of the Dreamer this collection 
of rhymed memories is affectionately dedicated 



CONTENTS 

PAGE 

Young Mr. Yan 13 

YUT Ho . . . . , 21 

You Sabe Me! 35 

"How MucHEE You Pay?" .... 45 

The Rival Wizards 55 

The Green Rat 65 

The Chamber of Tranquillity . . 73 



ILLUSTRATIONS 

" Kep' old Wang on the anxious seat / 

And the slant-eyed dudes in a constant stir." Frontispiece 

" Found a ladder to the ground w'ere Facing page 

she glided down, then fleet 
As a bird she sought the door o' the 

Mission up the Street." 23 . 

" On a brown bench 'long o' mine, poppy- 
dead, a smoker lay." 28 / 

** See the varnished pigs they carry in sacks 

And the funeral grub galore." 46 , 

"An' the slave girls from the alleys, an' the 

coolies from the street 
Shuffled up to the excitement on their padded 

cat-like feet." 60 

" Chinytown babes, have ye seen 'era play 

Here in the streets that has sickened men ? " . . . 66 

"See that green and yeller balcony up yonder 

'crost the way. 
With the gilded sign in English painted * Dr. 

Chun Hing Gay.'" « .•: . 74 - 

** Say ! the biggest bunch o' wickedness that 

ever walked in silk." 78 



YOUNG MR. YAN 



YOUNG MR. YAN 

YU can take a Chink away from 'is hop, 
'Is lanterns an' gals an' pigs an' chop, 
Yu can dress 'im up in yer Christian 
clo'es. 
Put texts In 'Is head an' hymns In 'Is nose, 
But yu'll find, when he's actin' a dead straight 

part. 
He's a Chinaman still in 'is yeller heart. 

Lend me a dime, boss — thank yu kind. 
Not for opium, d'yu mind. 
But a man must eat. Yes, young Mr. Yan 
Was raised by hand on the mission plan — 
'Merican talk an' 'Merican dress. 
Wore 'em proper? I should say yes. 

Yan got anxious to be a toff, 
So he took 'is blouse an' 'is pigtail off. 
Wore pink cuffs an' purple ties, 
English overcoats, gentlemen's size, 
Ready-shine shoes like the 'ristocrats, 
Auburn gloves an' Panama hats. 
13 



YOUNG MR. YAN 

Wasn't a dude on the Frisco line 
Had pants more creased or a coat more fine. 
Often I seen him — whole she-bang — 
Struttin' at night through the coolie gang 
Where the punk-smoke blew from the joss- 
house nigh 
An* the little Chink fiddles squeaked long an' 
high. 

Yan's old man was a Canton Chink; 
Stuck to 'is joss like meat an' drink. 
Long silk skirt an' little black queue, 
He prayed to 'is father — ^believed it, too — 
So he didn't take stock in the mission school 
An' spoke of 'is son as a *' hip big fool." 

Old man Yan kept a lottery-shack — 
Restaurant front an' game out back. 
Sat at 'is desk an' glared through 'is specs 
At the guides an' the tourist rubbernecks. 
As proud as a god an' rich as a Jew 
(For reasons that him an' the Sargeant 
knew) . 

The Chiny gals of the felt-shoe sort 
Wasn't for young Mr. Yan, the sport. 
14 



YOUNG MR. YAN 

He ran with a gal named Miss Ah Ti; 
Shirt-waist lady with hair fluffed high 
An' French-heeled shoes on 'er little feet-^— 
Lived with white folks on Washington Street. 

Civilized pair they was an* grand. 
She played the pianna to beat the band 
While Yan sang " Vilets " an' " Promus 

Me" 
In a chop-suey tenor that reached high Z. 
They spoke good English an' grammar, too, 
'Most as proper as me an' you. 

Old man Yan, when he heard the news. 
He jumped plum out of 'is gunboat shoes, 
For he'd bought Yan a wife in Chinytown — 
Eight hundred dollars — fifty down 
An' a hundred more for a marriage-feast. 
It was disappointin' to say the least. 



So he sent for 'is offspring after a while 
An' yippi-ki-yi-ed in high old style. 
But the boy got sassy an' said that they 
Would skip an' git married in San Jose. 
That was the night that the Yups broke out 
For the highbinder killin' you read about. 
15 



YOUNG MR. YAN 

It's a long tale, boss, how the row began 
That set 'em to gunnin' for old man Yan. 
They'd given the job to a moon- faced boy, 
A genius for killln', named Ng Ah Poy, 
Who went to the Clay Street lottery-shop 
An' found the old gentleman smokin' 'is hop. 

'Twas an easy job — jest a single shot 
That tumbled the smoker out of 'is cot, 
Where dead as a pig on the floor he lay — 
Murderer, whisked by 'is friends away. 
Sank like the ghost of a pipe-dream, down 
Into the cellars of Chinytown. 

Young Mr. Yan ? When they come an' said 
That the shake was up an' 'is dad was dead. 
It was easy to see he had clean fergot 
'Is ancestor worship an' all that rot — 
Say, how can a Christian un'erstand 
When a Chinaman smuggles a gun in 'is 
hand? 



'Twas Waverley Place on a Sunday night. 
As I talked with Kelley by yonder light 
A bunch of coolies tumbled pellmell 
Out of the Wong Fook fan-tan hell, 
i6 



YOUNG MR. YAN 

An' right in their midst came a short-haired 

swell 
With a Christian hat an' a Christian shell. 

Somp'n was doin\ The crowd closed thick 
As the grip o' death. Then there barked out 

quick 
The forty-eight calibre bang — bang — bang! 
And a dead man tumbled out of the gang. 
He was a innocent, moon-faced boy, 
The genius for killin', named Ng Ah Poy. 

The watchman's whistle piped over the 

square — 
The cops came lopin' from everywhere; 
Chinks began to scatter an' climb 
Forty directions at a time, 
Into the basements, into doors, 
Into the stairways over stores. 

Young Mr. Yan with 'is smokin' gun 
Led the crowd in the general run. 
See that joss-house? Turned up short 
Into yon little, black, greasy court, 
Where he sunk like the ghost of a pipe- 
dream, down 
Into the cellars of Chinytown. 
17 



YOUNG MR. TTAN 



What has became of young Mr. Yan? 
You can take a Chink away from 'is fan, 
Away from 'is lotteries, fiddles, an' joss, 
Yu can give 'is queue to the barber, boss; 
But yu can't git down to the roots that start 
Frum the yeller base of 'is yeller heart. 



16 



YUT HO 



YUT HO 

GHOSTS, yu ask, In Chinytown? Say, 
ther ain't no moon to-night. 
An' the alley here Is dark — let's 
move over to the light. 
Did yu see 'er? No, the one wit' the blos- 
som In 'er hair — 
Kind o' sidle t'rough the crowd, kind o' fade 

up yonder stair 
Wit' 'er flat eyes showin' white, on 'er lips a 

bloody stain — 
Yes, I've been a-smokin' hop and the devil's 

in me brain — 
But the Chinee ghosts is out, and I seen 'er, 
seen 'er plain ! 



'Twas a shadder? Yes, perhaps. I have 
orfen seen 'em so. 

And the little one that passed was the shad- 
der of Yut Ho, 

Her that was a Christian slave, daughter of 
the merchant, Kwan, 

21 



YUT HO 

Sam Yup boss, who ruled the roost till he 

dropped 'is wealth at fan. 
Died In pious peace and left 'is fat widow fer 

to pay 
Fer cold storage on 'is bones w'en they 

shipped the box away 
To be planted in the tombs w'ere 'is dads and 

granddads lay. 

Now the mother, Luey Sing, wit' 'er little 

porky eyes 
Figgered up the girl, Yut Ho, as a piece o' 

merchandise, 
Thinkin' how the cash on hand to be netted 

on the same 
Would pay off the honest debts Kwan had 

left behind the game. 
So she made a sing-song talk wit' the dealer, 

Wong Tin Gay, 
Till he promised on 'is joss he would call 

around next day 
Wit' a t'ousand dollars cash, jest to take the 

girl away. 

Yut Ho, squattin' In 'er room, seen the dealer 

come, and heard 
All the chin-chin down below — understood it 

every word ; 

22 




''Found a ladder io the ground w'ere 
she glided down , then fleet 

As a bird she sought the door <?' the 
Mission up the Street- ' ' 



"YUT HO 

And she gathered what she owned in a green 

silk handkerchief, 
Raised the skylight of 'er room and crept 

quiet as a thief 
T'rough the frame, along the tiles, 'cross the 

roof wit' padded feet. 
Found a ladder to the ground w'ere she 

glided down, then fleet 
As a bird she sought the door o* the Mission 

up the street. 

So the Mission Lady came and she found 'er 

at the door 
Bobbin' like a j'inted doll till 'er saam sleeves 

touched the floor, 
Sayin' over as she dipped, like a lesson, very 

slow. 
All the English words she knew : " Melly 

Clistmas — me Yut Ho." 
Then her green silk handkerchief she untied 

and brought to view 
What she owned: a ring o' jade and a pitcher 

fer sam shu, 
And a little candy heart stamped in English, 

" I Love You." 

Well, the Lady understood and the Mission 
took 'er in; 

23 



TTUT HO 

But the mother, Luey Sing, bein* old in years 
and sin, 

Vowed to git 'er daughter back, even if she 
had to raise 

All the Eight Immortal Ones and the High 
Six Companies, 

So she offered Yung Ho-eng, blackmail ex- 
pert. Hop Sing man, 

Half the value of the girl if he'd smoke 'er 
up a plan, 

Somp'n smooth — and that's the time that the 
tunnel-work began. 



Two years passed, a deal o' time w'en a girl 
IS seventeen 

(Courtin' time fer any girl, he she yeller, 
white, or green) ; 

So the Mission Lady looked fer a decent Chi- 
nee lad 

As would take 'er to 'is home and as wouldn't 
treat 'er bad — 

Two years ! what the hell are they to the yel- 
ler race — as cold 

As the idols that they feed wit' ther rice- 
cakes and ther gold 

To appease ther wooden hearts, shriveled 
tight — and oh, how old I 
24 



YUT HO 

Yut Ho, bein* trained and taught, was a-glt- 
tin* civilized, 

Learnin' white folks' customs, too. In a man- 
ner Christianized, 

Half-believed the Bible-talks and the pious 
hymns, I think 

(Which is plenty more sincere than the aver- 
age Christian Chink) ; 

Called the Mission school *er home, never 
pinin' fer the lack 

Of 'er early heathen ways — always dreadin' 
to go back 

To the slavVy and the sin of 'er Bartlett 
Alley shack. 



'Bout this time ther come a Chink to the Mis- 
sion Sunday-school, 

Pie-faced barber, name Min Hop, godly as 
the Golden Rule. 

He was jest a pig-tailed saint — nothin' less — 
in all 'is acts, 

Seemed to eat the very ink off the gospel 
books and tracts, 

Talked religion t'rough 'is hat till 'is teach- 
ers felt so free 

That they smiled a happy smile w'en he calls 
and says, says he, 
25 



YUT HO 

" Me heep Clistian China boy — likee Yut Ho 
mally me." 

Sure, the Mission Lady t'ought that Min 
Hop was jest the stuff — 

Yut Ho also seen the boy and she liked 'im 
well enough, 

Though she had 'er own mistrusts, fer she 
hesitated some 

Wen he asked an early date fer the weddin'- 
day to come. 

After that Min called wit' flowers Thursday 
evenin' onct a week, 

Sat there purrin* like a cat, somp'n wonder- 
ful how meek, 

Yut Ho doin' fancy-work, much too proper- 
like to speak. 

No one knows how it occurred — it was jest 

the Chinee way — 
Min the barber and Yut Ho left the Mission 

school one day. 
Yes, I seen *em hand in hand shufflin' on wit' 

padded feet 
TVough the little painted lane leadin' into 

Jackson Street, 
Wit' her green silk handkerchief holdin' all 

the weak' she knew — 
26 



YUT HO 

Jest a finger-ring o' jade and a pitcher fer 

sam shu 
And a little candy heart marked in English, 

"I Love You." 

Bartlett Alley, number twelve — see the 

workin' of ther plan ? — 
Wit' a brace o' handy pals stood Ho-eng, the 

Hop Sing man, 
Lookin' up and down the lane from the cor- 
ner of 'is eye. 
Min Hop, leadin' of the girl, nudged 'im 

soft as he went by. 
And the shadders drew in close, choked 'er, 

dragged 'er up a stair — 
Someone shuffled down the hall and an iron 

door banged in there — 
Chinytown, a-passin' by, seen and smiled and 

didn't care. 

Bartlett Alley, number twelve — in a cellar- 
room behind 

There's an opium-smokin' j'int buried where 
the cops can't find. 

Yes, I've been there off and on — mostly on 
I guess, of late, 

Fer the " black smoke " draws and draws till 
yu love the things yu hate; 

27 



YUT HO 

Love the brown molasses string as yu pull it 

frum the shell, 
As It bulbs above the lamp wit' its sickish, 

peanut smell 
Till yu drink and drink the smoke, tastin' 

heaven in its hell. 

On a brown bench 'long o' mine, poppy-dead, 

a smoker lay 
Wit' 'is open eyes all glazed like the lacquer 

on a tray. 
At 'is desk ('way off it looked), the proprie- 
tor. Ah Ying, 
Sat a-countin' of 'is cash, passin' beads upon 

a string; 
Now the room seemed long and long, and 

the light was like a spark; 
Ying seemed threadin' colored stars on to 

moonbeams t'rough the dark, 
Catchin' comets by ther tails — Hello I 

Kvhafs that racket? — hark! 

In a room above me head I could hear a 
moanin' high 

Like a woman in distress callin' China-fash- 
ion, " Ai-i-i-i I " 

Full an hour it seemed to wail all around 
me — then was still 



YUT HO 

Tin the silence creep in' In struck me clammy- 
like and clilll. 

Som'ers In me dopy brain I could hear a 
small voice say; 

*' That was her, and that was her that yu seen 
'em steal to-day! " 

Then the smoke dumb to me head and I 
tumbled clean away. 

Wen I woke and looked around, middle day- 
light, gray and wide. 

Filtered through a greasy pane from a greasy 
court outside. 

Wit' the stale drug In me brain and me senses 
all awhirl 

Comes the memory of a sound — 'twas the 
night-cry of the girl 

I had heard — ^tfien wit' the thrills, pins and 
needles In me hair. 

From the reekin' j'Int I reeled, staggered to 
the open air — 

Bartlett Alley, number twelve, up the nar- 
row, windin' stair. 

Down the long, dark passage-way, gropin' 

wit' me hands I steered 
To a gratin' In the wall w'ere a square o' 

lamplight leered. 
29 



YUT HO 

Peepin' t'rough the prison-hole all the Inside 

room I seen: 
China lilies in a bowl, teak-wood tables, 

brown and clean, 
Hangin' prayer-scrolls — as I looked a black 

shadder seemed to fall 
Stark and straight and human-like, up and 

down across the wall — 
(Shadders! ah, the shapes they take, and I 

guess I've seen 'em all ! ) 

Peerin* closer I could see to the beam above 

me head 
Yut Ho hangin' by 'er neck from 'er silken 

waist-sash — dead. 
Right before me near the lamp — could o' 

touched 'em wit' me hand — 
Was 'er green silk handkerchief spread out 

careful on a stand 
Where she'd laid wit' lovin' care all the 

treasures that she knew — 
Jest a finger-ring o' jade and a pitcher fer 

sam shu 
And a little candy heart stamped in English, 

** I Love You." 

Ghosts in Chinytown? O Gawd I if the risin' 
spooks begin 

30 



YUT HO 

Comin' in ther proper shapes wit' a ghost fer 
every sin, 

What a beastly lot would swarm from the 
cellars over there, 

Spotted, dragon-headed worms wit' ther 
queues o' human hair — 

But she doesn't come that way when she flut- 
ters from the grave, 

Fades and flickers like the breath of the little 
life she gave 

As a heathen sacrifice with a Christian soul 
to save I 



31 



YOU SABE ME! 



YOU SABE ME! 

<The Refugee's Story.) 
I 

BELIEVE in Chinese Exclusion? 
, Well, maybe I did, before 
The day of the Great Confusion 
When the Quake In Its wrath uptore 
The roots of the town, and the Reaper 
Mowed us with flame — then I saw 
The faith of a Race that's deeper 
Than any Exclusion Law. 



Yes, I took In the politicians' 

Rhetoric, buncombe, air. 
Who, from their fat positions. 

Mentioned " the white man's share," 
The white man's right to bully 

The race with the braided queue — 
Kick 'em from boat to alley. 

Cheat 'em In bench and pew. 
35 



YOU SABE ME I 

Bong was the name of our coolie; 

Long-fingered Canton boy — 
Went at his job with a truly 

Pagan sort of a joy. 
Serving-man, cook and waiter, 

Roustabout, general slob— 
That's what the Chinee-hater 

Calls " taking a white man's job/* 



We lived in the Rincon section, 

Alice, the Kid and I. 
Bong was the Home Protection 

And held his position high. 
Gentle he was with the baby — 

Never was cross or grim. 
Used to explain, " Oh, maybe 

I catchem liF gal like him I " 



When I left for the ofSce early, 

In the era before the Wreck, 
After I'd kissed my girlie 

And the Kid hung close to my neck, 
Then I'd chuckle to Bong, " You Chinker, 

Take care of 'em both, d'ye see? " 
So the coolie would grin like a tinker 

And answer, " You sabe mel " 
36 



YOU SABE ME! 



Bong, though his head was level, 

His conscience ironed to a gloss, 
Rather worshipped the Devil 

And sneered at the " Christian joss.'* 
He learned from the heathen sages 

A budget of useful lore, 
And I found him Investing his wages 

In a Chinese general store. 



Those years that I spent with Alice 

On the hills of our merriment! 
Every man's home was his palace, 

(We're living now In a tent). 
By the sweet bay we slumbered. 

From the gay height looked down — 
Who thought that our days were numbered 

And hell was beneath the town? 



37 



YOU S^BE ME] 



II 

I was away in Seattle. 

The earthquake rumbled through 
Like the jar of a mighty battle — 

Then the news of the Horror grew. 
" San Francisco is shaken — 

Half of the buildings down — ^ 
Dead from the ruins taken — 

Fire is sweeping the town I " 

How I tore to the station, 

Drunk with a man's despair; 
Chaos was on Creation — 

My wife and my child out there ! 
We squeezed in the trains like cattle 

Packed in the slaughter-stall; 
And when we pulled out of Seattle 

The night was beginning to fall. 

Travelling men and sailors, 

Millionaires, merchants, sports, 

Two-penny clerks and tailors. 
Touts from the Coast resorts, 
38 



YOU SABE ME! 

Spoke of their homes like brothers 

Bonded in grief — and when 
I prayed, " God pity the mothers I " 

A gambler whispered, " Amen I " 

Oakland ! a pall of terror 

Blinded the sun on high — 
The bay, like a broken mirror. 

Glared to the smoking sky. 
Tattered and smoke-bedevilled 

Crowds upon crowds poured through, 
Limping, Insane, dishevelled — 

And the glare from the City grew. 



39 



YOU SABE ME I 



III 

Day was short. And the darkness 

Out of the smoke clouds fell. 
The Ferry spire stood black in the fire 

Like a crag in the mouth of hell. 
All night long swung the ferries, 

Listed and cramped and crammed, 
And all night long came the fleeing throng 

Like the hosts of the haunted damned. 

Twenty-four hours at the ferries 

I searched the mad thousands through. 
Haggard and wan I looked upon, 

But never a face I knew. 
Beggars, burdened with riches, 

Muttered and toiled ahead — 
I called aloud in the face of the crowd 

Who looked with the eyes of the dead. 

Then someone spoke from the thousands 
With a voice that I seemed to know. 

" They are safe back there on Union Square — 
I saw them an hour ago. 

40 



YOU SABE ME! 

They were warm and under cover, 

Close to the Monument. 
It wasn't so bad, for your Chinatown lad 

Had stretched up a sheet like a tent. 

" He had brought them food from the ruins, 

And seemed to be keeping house. 
Squat on his heels, he was cooking their 
meals — 

The Kid was wrapped in his blouse. 
His face was black from the burning, 

But his grin it was good to see 
When I called from the throng, * Take care 
of 'em, Bong ! ' 

And he answered, * You sabe me 1 ' " 

This was my neighbor's story. 

And well you may understand 
How I could not speak till the tears from my 
cheek 

Splashed over his outstretched hand; 
And of all the pure. Christian blessings 

Which pulpit and church employ, 
I hope one sped to the pig-tailed head 

Of my heathen Chinatown boy! 



41 



YOU SABE ME I 



IV 

One night more at the ferry. 

I could see her — heaven be blessed! — ' 
Out of the mob she came with a sob 

And fainted away on my breast. 
Bong sat near with the baby 

Fast asleep on his knee, 
And he said as he smiled and looked at the 
child, 

" I fetchem — ^you sabe me 1 " 



42 



HOW MUCHEE YOU PAY? 



**Beware! what proceeds from you will return to you 
again!" — The Sayings of Meng Tsz\ 



"HOW MUCHEE YOU PAY?" 

YU notice them carriages over the way 
And the bang-gong yell inside? 
They're buryin' old Lee Wo to-day 
With a curse on 'Is yeller hide. 
They're scarin' the devil an' singein' 'Is hairs 
With the noise an' the smudge and the 
smell ; 
But ther scented smoke an' ther paper prayers 
Can't keep old Lee from hell. 

See them pale ghost-lanterns above the hacks 

An' the white man's hearse at the door, 
See the varnished pigs they carry in sacks 

An' the funeral grub galore — 
Ain't ther many a Christian flat on 'Is bier 

With a priest at 'Is head an' feet 
Jest as scart to go as the late Lee Wo 

To the wrath of the Judgment Seat? 

Lee, the Reformer — that he was — 
An' a excellent business man ; 
45 



"HOW MUCHEE YOU PAY?" 

A cagey old cove on the opium laws 

An' a fox at the game of fan. 
He thought a lot, but 'is natur' was such 

That he hadn't but little to say. 
If yu wanted to buy and yu ast, " How 
much?" 

He'd answer, "How muchee you pay?" 



If a tourist looked In 'Is little shop 

At a jug that was wuth a dime, 
" How muchee you pay? " old Lee would say, 

And he'd bunco 'em half the time. 
No tag nor nuthin' to show the price 

Of the goods that yu bought from Lee. 
'Twas a trick of the biz an' a hobby of his — 

" How muchee you pay? " says he. 



F'r instance, one mornin', 'is little gal 

Was a-playin' around the store 
When the gambler, Yok, an' a steady pal 

Comes shufflin' through the door. 
" How muchee ? " says Yok as he points 'er 
out 

In a offhand, Chinytown way. 
It flabbered Lee Wo fer a minute or so. 

Then he says, "How muchee you pay?" 
46 



W^J 



if 







"HO-W MUCHEE YOU PAY?" 

He bought things cheap an' he sold 'em 
high — 
'Twas the game an' he played It well. 

As long as the world had somethin' to buy- 
Lee Wo had somethin' to sell. 

He drove a bargain fer flesh an' blood 
With a profit on all he sold, 

Till It happened so (they are buryin' Wo), 
That he traded 'Is word fer gold. 



Have yu heard of the Orient League of Re- 
form 

An' the pipe-dream they began, 
A-smokIn' together, to blow up a storm 

Fer the Dowager Queen, Tsi An? 
Ther was Charlie Chong an' Lee Bow Wong 

An' the opium smuggler. Low, 
Ther was Hong Ming Get, an' the day they 
met 

They let in me friend, Lee Wo. 



Yes, they let in me friend, Lee Wo, one night 

When the Quarter was still as the grave. 

When the shutters was closed an' the fog was 

white 

An' the felt shoes slipped on the pave. 

47 



"HO^W MUCHEE YOU PAY?" 

Then they whispered together, the League of 
Reform, 

In a Mon Foy Restaurant room, 
An' they made a pledge on a hatchet's edge 

By ther fathers under the tomb. 

Five thousand apiece was the price, some say, 

Which they gave to the sacred bund: 
But this I know — it was old Lee Wo 

Who was chosen to keep the fund. 
What the cash was there fer, I dunno, 

And how it was spent, search me; 
But the coin kept warm in the egg of reform 

That was bein' hatched out by Lee. 

Then the Consul heard of the League of 
Reform 

(He was wise on the way to do). 
So he cabled word of what he'd heard 

Till the Chinese Government knew. 
How d'yu s'pose the Consular spy 

Had savvy enough to go 
Neither to Chong nor to Lee Bow Wong 

But straight to me friend, Lee Wo ? 

Lee was hittin' the hop that night 
Under a black teak shelf, 



"HOW MUCHEE "YOU PAY?" 

Noddin' asleep an' a-lookin' a heap 

Like the crockery god hisself, 
When Hung Ah Ho, the Consular spy, 

Dropped in fer a friendly chat, 
An' they gabbled, them two, an' they drank 
sam shu 

Till far into night they sat. 

Hung he spoke of the Middle Land 

An' the danger of plots an' things. 
An' the death of the feller that raised a hand 

Fer the murder of queens an' kings. 
He could make it warm fer the League of 
Reform — 

Ther was certain names to say — 
Perhaps Lee Wo might happen to know — 

Says Lee, " How muchee you pay? " 

" How muchee you pay? " was all he ast. 

But it chanced in a week or so 
That they collared Chong an' Lee Bow 
Wong 

An' Hong Ming Get an' Low. 
Fraudulent sort, said the chiefs of the port 

Where the Consular word prevailed. 
I was there the day they was taken away 

When the " City of Pekin " sailed. 

49 



"HOWr MUCHEE YOU PAY?" 

They sailed like a bunch of brides, them 
Four, 
Though they knowed that they went to 
death ; 
Then they thought of the traitor safe on the 
shore 
An* they cursed 'im under ther breath. 
So they uttered an oath that summoned both 

The gods of ther hates an' fears — 
Is ther anythin' worse than a Chinaman's 
curse 
That lasts fer a million years? 



It was Saturday night when Lee was took 

(Jest hear how the mourners yell!) 
With 'is sins at 'is throat he jabbered an' 
shook 

As he looked in the eyes of hell. 
Fer a ghostly Four comes up through the 
floor 

An' all in a row they stands 
As nice as they might, an' they bows polite 

With ther bloody heads in ther hands. 



Lee covered 'is face with 'is skinny arm, 
But the eyes of 'is mind they seen 

50 



••HOWr MUCHEE YOU PAY?" 

The heads of the friends he had brought to 
harm 

At the sword of the Dowager Queen; 
An' they come so close that Ms pigtail rose 

An* 'is cork-colored face went gray. 
But the lips of the dead they smiled an' said, 

" Lee Wo, how muchee you pay? " 



Hear the oboes shriek an' the fiddles squeak — 

They're a-buryin' Lee to-day — 
See the leaves they turn an' the prayers they 
burn 

To shoo the devil away — 
But them headless Four on the ghostly shore 

Is a-waitin' to pay ther grudge 
When the stark Lee Wo shall shiverin' go 

To the court of 'is Mandarin Judge. 

Heathen or Christian, what has he got 

Fer the lives of 'is friends he sold, 
Fer the child he gave to the lot of a slave 

At the price of a gambler's gold? 
Yet stripped to the soul of all that he stole 

Ther's a bargain to drive to-day 
When the Mandarin god shall ask with a 
nod, 

"Lee Wo, how muchee you pay?" 
51 



THE RIVAL WIZARDS 



A white man's luck's as he makes it, 

And a nigger's luck's as he takes it; 

But a Chinaman's luck is the Devil's own luck, 

And it's thanks to the priest who fakes It. 

S^allad of Portsmouth Square. 



THE RIVAL WIZARDS 

YOK Tu-ang, the good-luck doctor, is a- 
leavin' Chinytown. 
He has boarded up his winders and 'is 
sign's a-comin' down, 
He's a-walkin' to the station wit' 'is shiny 

black valise 
And the beggars spit behind 'im and the 

slave-girls hiss like geese 
While the coolies muck-a-hi-lo disrespectful- 
like, becuz 
Yok Tu-ang, the good-luck doctor, ain't so 
pop'lar as he was. 

And the devil-shop of Sang Ho, right acrost 
the lane from his. 

That is likewise closed, (respectin' Sang Ho's 
fun'ral services) 

Gee! I'm most afeared the bogies '11 be out 
to-night in mobs 

Both them champyon devil-chasers bein' ab- 
sent from ther jobs, 
55 



THE RIVAL -WIZARDS 

And the ghosts o' nine diseases will be how- 
lin' down the street 

Now them famous magic-merchants is re- 
moved from Dupont Street. 



Seven years them wise old fellers kep' ther 
shops acrost the way, 

Sold ther prayer-scrolls, done ther magic, 
baked ther sperit-cakes fer pay; 

Seven years they watched each other tVough 
ther dirty window-lights, 

Each one hopin' to the other evil days and 
evil nights; 

Seven years Sang Ho prayed faithful, wish- 
in' Yok was done an' dead, 

While Yok Tu-ang vowed misfortune on 
Sang Ho's old pig-tailed head. 



Bein' wizards by perfession you'd a-thunk 

that suthin' dire 
Would 'a' come o' them magicians w'en 

they started spittin' fire — 
But ther didn't nothin' happen ; and ther blz- 

ness thrived, each one 
Galnin' daily reputation fer the wonders what 

he done, 

S6 



THE RIVAL W^IZARDS 

Each one burnin' punk and candles, howling 

wavin' of 'is arms, 
Givin' good advice on marriage, sellin' 

lanterns, shrouds an' charms. 

If a burglar robbed a pawnshop someone sent 

fer Yok Tu-ang 
Who would do 'is parlor magic jest to catch 

the robber gang. 
First he'd call on all the devils an' the ghosts 

that cheat an' rob, 
Then he'd draw a sperit-portrait o' the guy 

what done the job, 
Then he'd sell 'is good-luck mottoes costin' 

fifty cents apiece — 
If they didn't catch the burglar 'twas the 

fault o' the police. 

Sang Ho's specialty was genii. If a Chink 

had fuzzy dreams, 
If he suffered from the nightmare or woke 

up wit' grunts an' screams, 
" Them," says Sang, " is evil genii what is 

troublin' of yer snore." 
So he'd put up magic mirrors all around the 

bedroom door. 
An' when wicked Mr. Genie come a-sneakin' 

t'rough the night, 
57 



THE RIVAL -WIZARDS 

Plunk! he'd catch 'Im in a bottle an' he'd 

drive the cork down tight. 
Well, them rivals went on hatin' of each 

other more an' more; 
Sang was gittin' all the bizness an' it made 

Yok Tu-ang sore. 
Then one day ther came a crisis w'en the very 

rich Poy Lo 
Got took sudden wit' a headache, so he sent 

fer old Sang Ho. 
Gee! old Yok was mad as hornets, an' he 

swore by every charm 
In the shop of all the devils that he'd do 'is 

rival harm. 

Sang Ho visited 'is patient, looked quite satis- 
fied an' said, 

" Ther's three very purple genii now residin' 
in yer head. 

One's a seven-legged demon, one's a double- 
faced ^'^^w-^w^f.* 

One's a little shrimp-tailed devil what's 
asleep behin' yer eye." 

So he took three wide-mouthed bottles an' he 
said three prayers polite — 

Plunk! the fiends fell in the bottles an' he 
drove the corks in tight. 

^Yau-knvei — evil genius, 
58 



THE RIVAL -WIZARDS 

So Sang Ho went home quite happy, feelin' 

proud about hisself, 
Put them genii-laden bottles careful-like upon 

a shelf — - 
But old Yok acrost the alley seen 'im lay them 

bottles by 
An' he said, " You bet I catch 'em! " an' he 

looked an' evil eye. 

Late that night Yok picked a winder in the 

shop of old Sang Ho, 
Found them bottles an' uncorked 'em an' let 

all the genii go! 
With a cackle an' a clatter an' a gibber an' a 

scream 
Flew them merry purple devils back to Poy 

Lo's troubled dream, 
T'rough the gay an' painted alleys, past the 

dark an' deadly lanes. 
Past the pie gow dens an' banquets, past the 

slaves in silken chains; 
An' the seven-legged demon an' the double- 
faced yau-kwei 
Crept in Poy Lo's ears and started all the 

pains behind 'is eye. 

Well, when Sang woke up next mornin' and 
found out what Yok had done 

59 



THE RPVAL -VSriZARDS 

He jest shrieked an' pulled *ls pig-tall like a 

plum demented one, 
An' he run across the alley to the shop o* 

Yok an' yells, 
" Ye have spoilt me reputation an' ye've 

ruined all me spells — 
But I've got one trick to play ye to git even 

wit' yer spite — 
Yu'll be marked as an assassin — ^which yu'll 

be before the night ! " 

So Sang Ho he closed 'is bizness an' Sang Ho 

he made 'is will 
An' he hired eleven mourners an' a banquet 

fit to kill. 
An' he hired some gong-musicians, an' they 

all got full o' hop 
An' went screamin' in procession to Yok Tu- 

ang's devil-shop 
Where Sang Ho jumped to the doorway. 

" Look, ye murderer ! " he said, 
Drank a bottleful o' acid, doubled up an' 

tumbled dead. 

An' the gang o' hired musicians raised a 

daisy yell o' woe. 
Banged their gongs an' wailed an' shouted, 

" Yok Tu-ang has killed Sang Hoi " 
60 




''An' the slave girls from the alleys, an' the 

coolies from the street 
Shuffled lip to the excitement on their padded 

cat-like feet.^'' 



THE RIVAL -WIZARDS 

An' the slave-girls from the alleys an* the 
coolies from the street 

Shuffled up to the excitement on their padded, 
cat-like feet, 

Cussin' Yok an' pointin* at 'im; for they 
kinder seemed to know 

That In some way, indirectly, he had mur- 
dered old Sang Ho. 

Yok Tu-ang, the good-luck doctor, is a-Ieavin' 

Chinytown, 
Fer 'is yau-kwei's up an' doin', but 'is feng- 

shui's* rather down. 
An' the very actors shun 'im since that luck- 

destroyin' night 
When 'is rival on 'Is doorstep came an' killed 

hisself fer spite. 
No, the place wher Yok's a-goin' isn't known 

to the police. 
But he's walkin' to'rd the station wit' 'Is shiny 

black valise. 

*Feng-shui — good luck« 



6l 



THE GREEN RAT 



THE GREEN RAT 

HEY, boss, quick ! d'ye see 'im duck 
Under the curb by Sun Mok's stall, 
Long-tail, bead-eye rat — ^bad luck! 
D'ye see 'is color? It's green, by all 
That's dead! some Chinaman's time has 
struck 
And the Plague's a-creepin' along the wall. 

Call me " hop-head," dope-sick bum 

If ye will — but I know that green is green 

And the old Bubonic's bound to come 
And set the Health Board sweep in' clean 

To put the microbes under thumb 
Wit' chloride o' lime and quarantine. 

Somewheres up in the balconies 

Priests are howlin* ther heathen songs, 
DIppin' down on ther hands and knees, 
Smudgin' incense and bangin' gongs 
To fumigate the Devil and please 

The Health Board. God, the dread o' the 
Tongs. 

65 



THE GRE,E,N RAT 

Somewheres down in the under side 

Tunnels and cellars and passageways, 
Where the pig-tailed coolies sleep and hide 

And never see daylight days and days, 
There the gray rats take what the gods pro- 
vide — 
But the Green Rat takes what the Devil 
pays. 
• • • • • 

Old Wang Too in 'is fiftieth year 

Up and married a butterfly, 
Girl o' the teahouse — case was clear, 

Wang Too bein' a soft old guy, 
That the day o' ther marriage the joss went 
queer 

And the punk smoke got in the Idol's eye. 

Mrs. Wang, like a ruther neat 

Little wax doll, had a way wit' her. 

Kep' old Wang on the anxious seat 

And the slant-eyed dudes in a constant stir, 

When she pegged along on 'er bandaged feet, 
Off fer the Chinee Theater. 

Poor old gent ! he was human, I guess. 
Longed fer a wife instid of a toy; 

But 'is joss was good to 'im, I cornfess 

And the ghosts of 'is grand-dads wished 'im 

. JOY) 

66 



THE GKEE-N RAT 

(Thousand and one of *em, more or less) 
When the Firstborn squalled in 'is house 
— a boy. 

Little Wang Too in 'is grandma's lap 
Growed and flourished a year or so, 

Little blue coat and long-eared cap, 
( Fixed so the Devil he wouldn't know 

And bring the child to a strange mishap) 
Old Wang smiled as he watched 'im grow. 

(Chinytown babes, have ye seen 'em play 
Here in the streets that has sickened men, 

Jest as happy and jest as gay 

As fairies dancin' on flowers — and then 

Trottin' at night to ther beds, away 

Under the reek o' some dragon's den?) 

'Bout this time a bubonic scare 

Started the Health Board lookin' wise. 

Case reported off Portsmouth Square; 
Lottery agent ups and dies, 

Chinytown, tryin' to hush the affair, 
Quietly buries the dead — and lies. 

Old Wang Too one night, as he sat 

Stringin' 'is cash beads back of a screen, 

Suddently stopped and looked — what's that? 
Sneakin' along a shelf he seen 
(^7 



THE GKIIEN RAT 



The strangest, devllest lookin* rat — 

And sure as yer eyes, it was green, bright 



green! 



Jest a minute he fastened *is stare 

Straight on the eyes o' the old Wang Too, 
Then scampered off with a pious air 

Which might 'a' said, " And the next is 
you!" 
And the Chinaman groaned as he fastened a 
prayer 
Over the door — for he knew, he knew 1 

Somewheres up In the joss-house shrine 
Priests was beggin' the Plague to go. 

Firecrackers snappin' above the whine 
O' the flutes* and the fiddles' tremulo. 

(Wang, in 'is mind's eye, seen the line 
O' the white-sheet mourners, filin' slow.) 

So he called 'is wife to 'Is side and said, 
"The note o' the death-flute comes this 
way. 
Sell my houses when I am dead 

And sail to China wit' little Wang Gay 
Wher honor in age may be on 'is head 

Near the sacred tombs o' the ancient clay." 
68 



THE gri:i:n rat 

Then the Plague came In. And the Butterfly 
Fluttered away from the shade o' doom 

Leavin' the head of 'er house to He 
Fightin* wit' devils out o' the gloom 

As the cords swelled thick on 'is throat and 
thigh 
And the breath o' the fever sat In the room. 

Yes, she fluttered away In 'er butterfly stealth 
And went to the actor Hon Yin Moy, 

An' they soon made way wit' the old man's 
wealth, 
But they didn't Include the little boy 

As they sailed fer China In search of health — 
Was she a mother ? Nix, she was a toy ! 

One year more an' the Plague seemed t'rough. 

Chinytown was the quietest yet; 
Nothin' more than a murder or two 

Over a Hip Sing fan-tan debt; 
Fiddles still squeaked and the flutes still blew 

In the balconies where the rich guys et. 

Little Wang Gay in 'Is grandma's lap 

Lay a-listenin' to 'er croon, 
Sinkin' halfways Into a nap, 

" Lotos Boat " and the " Princess Moon " 
And the " Little Boy wit' the Dragon's Cap," 

In a sort of a die-away cat-call tune. 
69 



THE GREEN RAT 

Till, tired o' singin\ she fell asleep, 

Greasy an' wrinkled, the good oV soul! 

iWhen suthin' jumped wit' a suddent leap 
Onto the table, out of a hole, 

An' the big Green Rat, beginnin' to creep 
Nibbled rice from the baby's bowl. 

Then the Plague come in from the damp an' 
reek 

Of the secret passages underground. 
And he put 'is hands on the baby's cheek 

And the baby's eyes wit' the fever bound — 
An' far an' faint ye could hear the shriek 

O' the joss-house fiddles, an evil sound. 



?o 



THE CHAMBER OF 
TRANQUILLITY 



THE CHAMBER OF 
TRANQUILLITY 

THIS here sounds a bit like Bluebeard 
trotted out as sompin* new; 
But It happened here In Chlnytown 
where half the lies Is true — 
Fer the Chink aln^t skeert o' microbes, but 

he's powerful shy o' elves, 
And he keeps a stock o' devils packed In 

boxes on 'Is shelves; 
And ther's fairy tales occurrin' In these alleys 

day and night. 
Where the heathen says, '* No sabe ! " — ^but 
he's wise all right, all right. 

See that green and yeller balcony up yonder 

'crost the way. 
Wit' the gilded sign In English painted, " Dr. 

Chun HIng Gay " ? 
Every coolie 'round the Quarter knows the 

Doctor by 'is name, 
Fer he's made a bunch o' money and he's 

made a pile o' fame; 
7Z 



THE CHAMBER OF TRANQUILLITY 

And 'is cures has killed more invalids than 
all the plagues combined — 

W'Ich IS greatly to 'is credit and a blessin' of 
its kind. 

He was jest a Canton coolie six or seven 

years ago, 
Smuggled in from San Diego t'rough the leak 

in Mexico — 
Bossed a fruit ranch in Sonoma, bought a 

China drug store cheap, 
Came to 'Frisco wearin' spectacles and seemed 

to know a heap. 
Them there phoney-lookin' letters painted on 

'is window say: 
" From a chilblain to a cancer I can cure you 

in a day." 

Dr. Chun had one affliction, w'at he couldn't 
kill or cure; 

'Twas 'is wife, who was a vixen of the Tar- 
tar brand fer sure — 

Wasn't like the common yeller gal, too bash- 
ful-like to speak, 

Fer the Quarter knowed the danger-sign w'en 
Mrs. Chun would squeak. 

And w'en Sergeant Doyle heard windows 
crash on Jackson Street he'd say: 
74 



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THE CHAMBER OF TRANQUILLITY 

" Oh, that's jest the dear oV lady beatin' Dr. 
Chun HIng Gay." 

Dr. Chun was a philosopher o' just and 

thoughtful mind; 
Wen 'is herb-cure killed a patient he would 

say: " The gods is kind "; 
If 'is patient should recover he would say: 

" The gods give life " — 
But he had a special maxim in referrin' to 'is 

wife. 
W^en that lady wrecked the premises he'd 

murmur piously: 
" Lo I the Wise Man loves 'is neighbors and 

preserves tranquillity." 

One fine day w'en Chun was walkin' out 
a-lookin' rather scratched, 

Wit' 'is pigtail half unbraided and 'is ear a 
trifle patched, 

Old Wing Lee, the one-eyed goldsmith, says : 
" Yer joss is bad to-day — 

Say, why don't ye git a wife that suits ye bet- 
ter, Chun Hing Gay? " 

Chun, kow-towin', poked 'is fingers In 'is 
sleeves and says, says he : 

*' Rather seven hundred devils than another 
wife fer me ! " 
75 



THE CHAMBER OF TRANQUILLITY 

" Wise physician/' leered the goldsmith, 
" yeVe been wed a dozen years — 

Tell me, where's yer honored children fer yer 
labor and yer tears ? 

Many wives should be the portion of a 
wealthy man like you ; 

And perhaps, ye'll deign to look upon my lit- 
tle gal, Lun Su, 

Fer 'er mouth is like a cherry and 'er foot Is 
like a flower, 

And a thousand 'Frisco dollars go to make 
'er weddin'-dower." 

" If I brought another woman to my house," 

says Dr. Chun, 
" Say! My wife would vomit fireworks, like 

the Dragon of the Sun." 
Wing Lee's one eye twinkled knowledge ful. 

" Her sickness is a kind 
What deserves a patent medicine that's sooth- 

In' to the mind, 
What'll lay 'er calm and quiet like a lady 

ought to be — 
Fer a Wise Man loves 'is neighbors — and 

preserves tranquillity." 

And that very afternoon the Doc got busy 
in 'is shop. 



THE CHAMBER OF TRANQUILLITY 

'Round the walls was herbs and powders, 

poison, sassafras, and hop, 
Pickled toads and dried-up lizards, powdered 

spiders, serpents' tails, 
Ginseng — good fer rheumatism — ^mustard, 

devil-weed, and snails; 
And the Doc was shavin' roots and mixin' 

powders wit' 'is knife — 
He was fixin' up a medicine to pacify 'is wife. 

'Twasn't long before all Chinytown was 

noticin' the change. 
Dr. Chun Hing's house grew quiet — and the 

fact alone was strange. 
Mrs. Chun she lost ambition fer to racket and 

to row, 
And 'er eyes got dull and glassy and she didn't 

like 'er chow. 
Drunk wit' hop and shrunk and silly on 'er 

dirty bench she lay. 
Smoked 'er pipe and whispered nonsense to 

the greasy walls all day. 

Dr. Chun was quite attentive — ^he had medi- 
cine to give — 

Waited patient as an idol till she hadn't long 
to live, 



TTHE CHAMBER OF TRANQUILLITY 

Then he signalled to the coolies that was 
workin' In 'Is pay, 

And they rolled 'er In a blanket and they car- 
ried 'er away; 

Packed 'er down t'rough traps and cellars to 
the narrow, wooden stair 

Of the Chamber of Tranquillity. They 
knocked and left 'er there. 

What, the Chamber of Tranquillity — ain't 

heard of it before? 
It's kind o' death-bed annex to an undertaker's 

store. 
In the Quarter when a Chinaman's about to 

pass away, 
Then he Isn't wanted 'round the house — It 

brings bad luck, they say — 
So they chuck 'Im in this quiet cell to breathe 

'Is heathen last. 
Where the undertaker's handy — and ther 

ain't no questions ast. 

Oh, the Chamber of Tranquillity is under- 
ground and cold, 

It hasn't got no windows and Its walls Is 
cracked and old; 

It hasn't got no pillows where a feeble head 
kin lifr — 

78 




''Saj/ the biggest bunch o' zvicJzedness that ever walked in silk. 



THE CHAMBER OF TRANQUILLITY 

But a feller ain't pertickiller w'en he's about 
to die. 

And the prayer that speeds the dyin' in that 
dark, ondecent shed 

Is the pigtailed undertaker nailin' coffins over- 
head. 

All day long the dyin' woman lay a-moanin' 
in the den. 

Old Jim Mok, the undertaker, peeked in 
silent now and then 

Jest to see if it was ready. In the Moon 
Flower restaurant 

Dr. Chun, he gave a banquet which was all 
that heart could want. 

'Twas a feast fer gods and devils, the occa- 
sion of Ms life, 

To announce that Wing Lee's daughter was 
to be 'is second wife. 

Late and early came the swellest merchant- 
kings o' Chinytown, 

Red-hot, pigtailed sports, kow-towin' in ther 
robes o' green and brown ; 

And as in and out they waddled wit' the 
dignity o' beeves, 

Ye could hear the gamblin'-money clinkin' 
gently in ther sleeves. 
79 



THi: CHAMBER OF TRANQUILLITY 

Eyes like agates, cheeks like ivory, and smiles 

as white as milk — 
Say I the biggest bunch o' wickedness that ever 

walked in silk ! 

All the tables was o* ebony, the chop-sticks 

tipped wit' jade. 
Chun was dressed in silk, embroidered, wit' 

a tassel in 'is braid. 
On the chairs was crimson cushions, in the 

walls wuz gilded flowers. 
And a gang o' hired musicians squeaked and 

banged wit' all ther powers. 
Forty merchants at the tables, and on stools 

about the room 
Forty little singin'-girls, as bright as parrots 

in ther plume. 

There was everythin' in eatables from puppy- 
dog to rice ; 

Nanking eggs aged forty summers — -which 
the Chink considers nice — 

Bamboo-sprouts and chop-chop vittles, China 
pheasant from Shanghai, 

Bird's-nest dope which sounds like puddin', 
tastes like hell, and looks like pie. 

And the fiddles squalled and quavered and 
the gongs drowned out the strain. 
80 



THE CHAMBER OF TRANQUILLITY 

And the Doctor smiled like Buddha as he 
ordered more champagne. 

Old Wing Lee, skin-full o' bubbles, sat acrost 

from Dr. Chun, 
And the two was swappin* maxims, stiff and 

solemn, one by one. 
" Sayin* nothin'," says the goldsmith, " Is a 

woman's rarest skill." 
" Birds should sing," remarked the Doctor, 

" but a woman should be still." 
" He who slumbers," says the goldsmith, 

" wit' an adder in 'Is blouse 
Is more happy than a husband wit' a wildcat 

in 'is house." 

Chun was thinkin' up an answer, w'en a coolie 

shuffled In, 
Came and stood beside the Doctor's chair and 

pulled a yeller grin, 
Then, a-leanin' confidential, closer to 'Is ear 

he said : 
** Jim Mok sent me fer the money. She has 

left the Chamber — dead." 
Dr. Chun Hing Gay politely raised his glass 

to old Wing Lee : 
" Lo ! the Wise Man loves 'is neighbors — 

and preserves tranquillity." 
8i 



Sff IQ 1906 



LIBRARY OF 



CONGRESS 



016 235 134 5 • 



